#Tie #Queer – Queer! – My definition: Way out of the box! Queer means I’m NOT normal! Queer means I dance to my-own-beat and the beat of the world, not the beat created by the market. Queer means I accept ALL of the consensual ways you are sexual, even though I may not be attracted to it.
Queer is the first “Q” in LBGTQQI 
and for many of us, stands for all of us and beyond.
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#Tie #Gentrification – Indigenous Peoples Day – This morning I was remembering how all over the world indigenous people continue to be oppressed. Not a happy thought, obviously. I then thought about how Indigenous North Americans in our civilized/Just countries continue to struggle and have to fight for basic needs such as healthcare, schools, teachers, and access to healthy water – today, right now. I also can’t help but think about the many ways we practice gentrification today.
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#Tie #Femme – FEMME!! Gets me excited just writing the word – Femme!
Femme! Not the opposite of Butch, that’s a butch fantasy – except of course when she wants to be. Otherwise, Femmes can stand alone and/or with each other without any need for a butch to qualify them – as Femme.
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#Tie #Butch Enough #Butch – You are Butch Enough! We are Butch Enough!
If there is such a thing…
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#Tie #Shame – #Trouble – Yesterday Jen Cross and I talked about what it meant to be “in trouble” and specifically at work, but generally, well…just in general. We agreed that the idea of “getting in trouble” with someone is childish and ridiculous. I believe that it’s an old threat that is focused on shame and shaming. As adults we take responsibility for our actions, then we work with/accept the consequences – we don’t “get in trouble”, (unless of course we’re doing it for fun.)
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#Tie #Integrity – One of my thoughts this morning was about how hugely grateful I am for this time I have to align myself with my values and practice them with integrity all the time. (This is what it is for me to be unemployed and doing some of the work I love, coaching.) Then I thought about a person I know who is known for telling coworkers one thing and telling mgmt. another, leaving people blind-sighted, confused and distrustful way beyond this one individual. When mgmt. fosters this behavior the lack of trust can spread around the office as a virus. There were times when I participated in such behavior, in various jobs, I was crumbling to peer pressure, and I always felt terrible about it. I’m much prefer “getting in trouble” for being honest, then playing these fear-based games.
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Jen Cross responds to recent suicides amongst youth who are or are assumed to be queer.
“Today I feel helpless and sad: gender-based violence isn’t ending, not for folks who have been assigned to “woman” and not for folks who’ve been assigned to “man.” The borders of each of these genders is so violently patrolled; no one has to be gay or queer to get bullied because someone thinks they’re not acting like a real man, or like a real woman. When are we going to stop?”
http://writingourselveswhole.org/
As you can see below, I’m not much of a blogger and I thought this conversation might be big enough to continue off FB….
Human
Our sex determines our role in reproduction. Our genders are made up by people who have a need to control our behavior. Some of those folks are religious, some of those folks are governments and many of these folks are corporations and businesses who profit from sharp descriptions of what gender is.
Some of us don’t fit into our assigned gender roles, some of us don’t want to fit. In the end, when someone is saving your life, you may not care about their gender or gender presentation, you are just glad someone saved your life.
By allowing ALL of us to be the FULL person we feel we can be, we might actually advance ourselves as a species. Currently we are in too many ways living with 1st century mentalities in the ways we reject and fear our differences. Androgynous, transgender, two-spirit and non-gendered people have obviously been around since we have existed as humans. We waist a tremendous amount of resources, financially, socially and spiritually when we are rejecting who many of us are. Resources that can be going towards expanding our communities and stretching ourselves as loving, spiritual beings.
Before I paste my FB posting below, I want to note that I’m aware that Joan of Arc, had she been given the choice, may have chosen no gender and/or may have identified as a Butch-Woman. Personally I’m not invested in whether Joan was butch, trans or ftm. My concern is the lie that portrays a feminine maiden where a masculine warrior stood. Joan chose death over wearing female attire. Isn’t is crazy how easy it’s been to deny who Joan was. How many other masculine women do you think were wiped out of history? And, where are all those visible, masculine woman-sexed images now? Where are the images of all those female/feminine-hearted, non-make-up wearing, hard-working women we know are part of the backbone of this country and world? Why do some feel threatened or amused when a man puts on a dress?
“Once a gay friend asked me if I was carrying a man’s wallet. I told him no, the wallet was mine.” Fresh! White, 1989
#tie #Gender #Androgyny – Most of us come into this world with particular sets of reproductive organs that are used to identify us as woman or man. Many of us are then given gender identities that generally require us to play roles. The role we are given doesn’t always have a lot to do with who we are as human beings. W…e are bigger than male or female. History and current day show us that women can be great warriors and men great nurses. And still we buy into the ideas of how we are “supposed” to be-have. We as a society have been brain washed. Even as we witness others and experience ourselves beyond gender, we can’t accept it. A baby, just a few months old, was recently killed for not “acting” male enough.
The most popular transgender male, Joan of Arc, can be viewed in paintings all over the world as a feminine maiden. Joan was a warrior and leader of men, males and the women and females who would fight. This guy Joan, chose DEATH over not wearing the clothes that were gender-required. Joan chose the clothes that helped express who she/he was in the world and was killed for it. The world denies Joan’s masculinity and transgenderism. Joan d’Arc was not a man, and was male. Joan’s sex was woman (as far as we know) and gender was male.
Since CA’s Prop 8, there have been too many murders and suicides of youth who were queer (LBGTQI) or perceived to be. How many more of our youths will die by their own hands or others before we start behaving like it’s 2010 and start seeing ourselves as individual human beings who need each other to survive? And you shouldn’t have to choose a gender or identity in order to be seen as Full Human.
It’s okay to be confused, it’s not okay to judge and hate.
No, I’m not preaching to the choir, I’m working on expressing myself peacefully so when I get to speak to the confused and/or haters it won’t be the first time I speak my mind out loud on this topic, in this particular way. Thank you for allowing me to breathe here.
Is there something you want to say out loud today?
For the past few months I’ve been posting my thoughts and feelings on my FB page. Coincidentally, Jen started doing the same. Some how we in our different ways and different words and at different times started speaking our truths – and people are listening.
Jen is a writer, workshop facilitator, performer, author, singer, poet, baker, cook, Gardner and so much more. She has helped people heal in her writing workshops and she has been healed by these people’s participation and courage. It made sense that she would write. But this posting is not about Jen or her organization or beautiful-soulful blog or about how I love to listen to her talk about her work, all-the-time or how much I love her.
My writing came out of strong aversion to stepping back into a den of gremlins. I was about to walk into a group of folks who honored deceit, silence, and hierarchy while nurturing racism and classism in the most blatant and insidious ways. And this posting is not about that…
Jen was posting her truth and I was posting mine and many folks were/are following us on FB. One of those folks is Jianda. She would “like”, comment and/or respond in some way to what we were saying. I totally appreciated it – I appreciated that my words were affecting someone enough that they would actually write something, or take the time to like something – which is a pretty open thing to do on FB.
At some point Jianda made a statement, or sent Jen or I a note; she said we were like the one-two punch on her wall (amongst many cool and wise folks I imagine). Not only did I think it was really cool of her to say that, I honestly didn’t realize it was happening. I rarely looked at Jen’s wall and although she sometimes looks at mine, we were not aware of how we might be looking to our mutual friends. I was glad for that new knowing about us.
Weeks, many weeks went by before I noticed that Jianda had a blog – http://jiandanet.wordpress.com/ And, so much more. This woman/diva/Femme Goddess is a poet, actress, singer, song writer, motivator artist, community builder, model, interviewer, activist and so much more has got it going on!! She’s “working it out” as Jen would say – and yes she certainly is!
Thanks Jianda for helping to create safety in the world for all of us to be ourselves, learn who we are and be openly loving while bringing our whole-selves into light. Thanks for being a my leader/follower & and peer and allowing me to be yours.
Check this out people, then go to her blog to learn more:
Tie#Spirit help me to make the choices and take the actions to help create more love and peace in myself in service of creating more love and peace in the world.
Are you doing the work or job to help create the changes you want to see in the world? If not, if your work doesn’t directly affect the changes you want to see in the world and you love your job anyway, you can still change the world by loving yourself and feel free to see more opportunities below. If your work is not helping you to create the change you want to see in the world, learn how you can help by checking out the lists below or share how you may already be helping with the rest of us. I’m always interested in checking out new resources.
Weather you are working 5, 15 or 40 hours a week you’ve got to know that how you are during this time not only impacts yourself and your co-workers, it also impacts the world. Being conscious of the inner work you are doing at work, can help you to create and be the change you want to be in the world. This sounds simple, and it’s not always easy, in fact, most people behave in the opposite at work. Many folks are defensive/guarded, afraid and stressed and some even competitive and mean. 
But you don’t have to be these things.
If you are doing the work you love and you know it’s making the impact you want in the world and even if it’s not your first job might be to check yourself and be sure you are being loving, peaceful, patient and supportive of yourself while at work. Taking breaks, eating well, finding time or ways to work/stretch your body. When you are treating yourself well, when you are compassionate and non-judgmental with yourself, you will naturally flow into being a more loving and compassionate person in the world and yes at work.
Next, to create the changes you want to see in the world you have to be loving, kind, supportive and patient with your co-workers. And, I know this is not always easy – and it is – when you are your loving self. When you are treating yourself with true love, honesty and kindness you will not only naturally treat others the same you will also attract others who also are doing this work and wanting to live this way full-time – even at work. This can help create a happy work place with happy people and happy people are kind to one another and much more productive than fearful, competitive meanies.
Creating the change you want to see in the world is a full-time job, you probably already know this. Maybe you are already doing this in your work and maybe you are already treating everyone in your life well and maybe that’s enough for you – it sure is very generous and makes a difference in the world – but you want more.
When it comes to needing more than what I can do at work, I have several ways that I participate in helping to create the world I want to be in. I hope you will add more resources for me and others who are always looking out for ways to make a change.
Volunteering – The thing about volunteering is that you get to create what that means for you. You get to decide how long, how much, where and how you volunteer. Once you make these decisions, you can find an organization who needs your help. I say start local. Literally walk/bike around your neighborhood. Is there a local school or center that interests you? Get the number, make an appointment or just call to find out if they need help and if what they need interests you.
Instead of just listing volunteer organizations or places to volunteer, I wanted to also share with you resources for “YOU” as a volunteer along with a couple of cool volunteer + sites I’ve used or visited:
- ENERG!ZE Inc. offers a real nice list of great links for volunteers: http://bit.ly/clAdG7
- Volunteer Match has resource pages just for volunteers: http://bit.ly/cwRyUm
- American Field Service, offers links and info for volunteers: http://bit.ly/9KfEOi
- And of course the United Way has some tips to offer: http://bit.ly/cKSVKH
- National Voluntary Organizations Active in Disaster (National VOAD) offers a few short tips and more: http://bit.ly/cMLBXd
- Write it off! - Did you know you could write off your volunteer time? Check this out from Independent Sector: http://bit.ly/cxvboF
I managed volunteers for several years. Here is a short list of a few of my favorite “Volunteer Opportunity” sites:
- Idealist – Not just for volunteering but also great job leads: http://bit.ly/GUbKo
- Volunteer Canada – Cool resource site: http://volunteer.ca/en/home
- Hands On Disaster – Good list of opportunities: http://hodr.org/our-projects/
- Moveon.org – You know them. http://www.moveon.org/
- http://www.volunteermatch.org/ – Lists
- And of course the unmatchable: http://www.craigslist.org/about/sites
Donate: Donating time via volunteering is obviously a way to help spread your compassion, generosity and love. Another way is of course to donate $$$. I donate money no matter how much money I have in the bank. I give $5-25.00 a month to up to 4 organizations and when possible I give larger amounts to these and/or other groups as well. Below I’ll list info on donating money.
The other way to donate is to go to and/or participate in community events. Arts organizations, including local music and words by youth or seniors, offer a way to donate money and be entertained at the same time. This can also be true for community events, festivals and farmers markets.
For donating, I recommend going local first (see above), and then:
- Throw a fundraising house party – http://bit.ly/RzGkC, http://bit.ly/aPlXlr
- Network for Good offers donating opportunities as well as other useful information: http://bit.ly/434fzg
- Kiva’s mission is to connect people, through lending, for the sake of alleviating poverty. http://bit.ly/ZS3o
- GuideStar offers nonprofit financial information and more: http://bit.ly/cebAP4
Petition – I try to spend a few minutes to an hour a month petitioning – it matters. I also read and sign the petitions presented to me on the street. It’s about doing something sometimes, not that there will be enough signatures, though that’s the goal. And so yes, this counts as work and/or volunteer time for me.
Here are a few of the sites where I sign petitions:
- Change.org: http://www.change.org/ – really easy and has community pages.
- Care2: http://bit.ly/4M8Gu – also easy.
- Maplight.org: Get motivated to petition and see who you are really voting for: http://maplight.org/
Speaking of $money$, you’ll want to keep track of where your “shopping” money is going so you don’t undo all your good work.
I’m a fan: http://www.knowmore.org/
In closing, if you love your job but it’s not helping to impact the world the way you want it to, I hope these options help. If you don’t love your job and need to make a change, or if you just want to make a change, drop me a line and I’ll tell you about my coaching services.
Peace, Love, Health and Prosperity,
Fresh!
