Fresh! Encounters

Last night as drove onto the street then pulled into a spot across from the Brava Theater on 24th in San Francisco’s busy Mission District, the thought came to me that I need not worry about parking spots anymore, there were bigger things for me to be considering at this time.

This afternoon I thought, if only, when we were in doubt we could remember the feeling we had the last time we achieved something or attained something we wanted. What is it about doubt that we are so addicted to? Is it that we know we can depend on doubt to show up every time we have a dream or fantasy about making our lives more enriching? Why is doubt so persistent?

How can doubt continue to thrive in our lives, minds, memories when we are here? We are here, breathing, online even. The sun continues to show up no matter how many days it rains or is foggy. You and I have waken up every morning of our lives. We have food and drink to sustain us and yet when we want to attain a goal even if we do make it, on too many occasions our second thoughts are of doubt. more to come…

If we are fortunate we suffer greatly from the experience of our own growth. The type of growth I’m talking about right now is when you are challenged to be compassionate in ways you never would have thought of before. It is very easy to be critical of people’s actions and words, especially when they harm others or yourself. “How stupid, how arrogant and unthoughtful can this person be?” may have been something you thought about before you seriously considered living, learning and loving from a compassionate perspective for the rest of your life.

First there is compassion for ones self; if you can’t truly be compassionate with yourself, you can never truly be compassionate for another. For being compassionate is not pity; looking down at someone and feeling that since you have it better than them that you have an obligation to take care of them. No, not even all the loving-pity in the world can equate to compassion. I think pity takes away our responsibility to look at the larger picture of why someone is suffering. I don’t see pity as embracing especially when it is defined partly as “feeling sorry for”.

An example of this is we are hearing how Haitians are starving and our immediate reaction is to take pity and send food over. What we don’t see is that hundreds of pounds of food are being held back at the border by American sponsored military who insist that all the shipments be searched for drugs before the food can be delivered to the people. In the meantime many people become sick and and die while anything considered fresh will rot at the ports, including dry foods that aren’t well protected from the sea. We may also overlook the reason why Haiti and other countries may have gotten into the position of starvation and the role we as Americans play and/or will play in worsening the situation . If we just send food/do the immediate duty, we may not achieve our mission of helping people to get the food they need.

Another example may be pity for a woman who works in the sex industry. Instead of ensuring her civil and human rights are met and that she is treated well in her work place(s); we take pity on her and and create laws that only cause her more harm and create a deep and constant distance from her and the rest of society. Our third century sensibilities about our bodies and sex is the larger reason why women in the sex industry suffer from abuse, lack of services (another form of abuse) and in too many cases death. With a broader more compassionate view we can see that sex is a beautiful and natural gift and that we each have a right to choose how we want to express it as long as it is consensual with ourselves and others. Today we give more respect to companies that enslave workers than we do to women and men who choose sex to financially support their lives, dreams and desires.

To be compassionate is to look deeper into our pain and/or the pain and/or suffering of others.

When I consider compassion I think of true empathy. I think about the human connection. I remember that none of us is better than the other and that we all need compassion and we all need to be compassionate in order to live our lives to their majestic heights - something many of us never even consider.

Living, learning and loving in a consistent state of compassion (something I consciously work on daily) means that I can’t just criticize those who harm me verbally and/or professionally in this life. It means recognizing their insecurity as something that I myself may have experienced; in the many different ways that insecurity and self doubt can prevent us from being compassionate moment by moment and in worse cases it spills out in defense of self, onto another.

Whether someone is aware of when they are insulting or being harmful does not much matter. The fact is that their resistance to deal with their insecurity, self doubt or self hate creates a wall between themselves and their compassion for themselves and in a direct way, their compassion for others.

If we could just get over the myth that there is a perfect way of being; a perfect place to be and the importance of hierarchy, we could all find it in ourselves to be loving and accepting of our selves. We could look at what it is that has or is harming us, do what we need to rid ourselves of it and/or change our reaction to it. From this place we can really open our hearts and arms to what in our larger society may be harming others as well as ourselves. We can offer compassion to others not only by participating in the work to end governmental forms of oppression; supporting services that work to help those in need but also, on the home front we can honestly and compassionately confront those that are harming us.

Speaking up for yourself is a form of self compassion. It may also be a compassionate way of letting someone know that they are causing harm. It’s true that if the person is so lost in their own self pity that they will ignore your request to be treated differently, but it’s not their response that you are speaking for - it’s your compassion for yourself. It’s you accepting that you are not perfect and knowing that this imperfection will never need to tolerate disrespect from another.

I know I may be rambling a bit here; the cafe that I’ve chosen to work in today just had it’s piano player/singer come in for rehearsal - a total surprise to me - and I’m only distracted because he sounds so much like Nat King Cole and is playing is delightful. As important as it is for me to get the words out above, I also feel terrible for not giving him all of my attention - he’s that good.

So, you’ll be stuck with my ramble and any grammar errors I’ve made because I don’t know when I’ll have time to give this thought more writing time. Please comment and know it may be months before I reply but that this work will go on in me.

One more note - being compassionate with yourself is self love. This has been a struggle for me for a long time and I’m grateful for my partner and may friends who have, with their unconditional love and compassion for me, encouraged me to this place in my life/heart.

In loving compassion,

Fresh!

Hello,

Happy New Year! 2008 promises to bring our dreams, desires and visions into reality - as usual. Now is a great time to review these dreams and visions and be sure they are free from fear and unnecessary limits - Dream Big - do big.

I thought I’d start this year with a new bio and direction. My goal is to write to this blog weekly - I know, you’ve heard it before, but I really mean it this time :-). You can check my bio on my about page.

I will also work to grow my coaching practice this year. You’ll see more information and may even receive some PR from me in mid-February.

I hope you will add comments/your thoughts to this blog when the content moves you.

Love, peace, health and prosperity,

Fresh!