Awareness Day 9: Life is Worth it…Please Stay!!
Tomorrow I turn 50!! Like the BIG 50!! Me!!! I am so incredibly, down to my heart bones, happy!!
It took me to getting here, to get back to the open-hearted, risk taking, all-loving, fun and sometimes funny kid who is ME; bigger, wiser and even more loving with renewed desires for naps!
In my heart I always knew, no matter what I went through, was dragged through, no matter what people said to and about me; I always knew love was the answer. I always knew there were way more loving people in the world than not. I always knew there were souls like me out here wanting to be open and openly loving – out here on the leading edge, as Esther Hicks would say.
2012, was such an AMAZING year; absolutely one of the best years of my life, and I was only 49 then! How can it get better from here? What’s great is that I’ve learned to appreciate the moment and I don’t have answer that question right now.
And, here is my gift: Stay. I spent 33 years of my life passively committing suicide; I’m so fortunate I failed. If you have any doubt about leaving life, even when you think you’re being called, if you can help it, Stay.
I am being totally honest when I say I crawled here – through sand, soot, at one point over broken glass, at another over pebbles; I have stumbled, fallen and failed. And, at some points I literally felt like I let people I loved or “hired” and trusted, help me dig the fear, the crap, the critical voices, the lies, the shields around my inner-child right out of my gut – for me to face, sort through, trash or recycle. It hurt, but not as much as it did before I chose this option to be free from the pain, misguidance (by myself and others) and lies about what was possible for me and my impact on the world.
Stay! And what it brought me, this gutting, is home to myself. What it brought me is peace. What it has brought me is truth, more compassion for myself and others. It brought forgiveness for myself and others. It allowed me to be more available to those I love. What it brought me is this opportunity to connect with you.
You don’t have to do it all at one time. You don’t have to do anything at all; just Stay. Know that life loves you, will come for you when she’s ready and Stay.
It doesn’t matter what you have gone through, you survived and that gives you the power to choose who you want to be and how you want to be with you and for you, for as long as you can breathe. Stay, I promise there are angels and allies waiting to serve You.
In 1992, my lover SF, told me I’d never be alone in the world and she kept her word. Not a moment since I met that woman could I ever say I was alone, lonely at times yes, but never alone. And, knowing her, this incredibly wise woman, she meant much more than our (her and my) connection; I’m sure she meant that folks like us; her and I, you and I, are love and thus connected to the power, the energy, life – love.
What I know is that YOU are Love. I’m so, so very grateful for every and any moment I’ve had with you. You have been and are a reflection of the love I put out in the world. This is to my friends near and far, live and virtual.
So, how will I celebrate my last day in my 40s? Just did!! Plus, if I’m feeling brave, maybe I’ll feed my inner kid some ice cream.
Happy Tuesday Lovers!! – Coach Fresh!