What I haven’t spoken about in this session is just how loaded January’s are for me. It is this month, 1963, I was born and possibly separated from my birth mom. It was the month of January, in my 10th year, that I began praying day & night that I would die before my rock/my adopted mom, who would pass the following month despite my young tears and prayers. My adopted dad’s birthday is on the 19th, close if not the same date of my (after 8 years,) break up last year.
In January 1979 I left school, home and moved in with a lover, 5 years older, to Williamsburg, Brooklyn. I was 16 and she was violent. In January 1983, I attended SUNY Purchase, became President of the GLB Union, I came out to my adopted older sister who loved me but not my sexual preference, and it’s been strange and estranged between me and adopted my family since then – some of that my own doing (Pre Alanon). My dad died on the 15th, (1985, after 11 years in a bottle) MLKs B-Day, the day before my birthday and sometimes the reason I can forget my birthday.
In January 2010 within days of starting my life-saving coaching certification program, I received a letter from the state of New York telling me, (for the first time in my life,) that my birth mom didn’t die giving birth to me, a burden I carried until that time. There is no record of my birth father.
In 2010 I was finally able to begin grieving the losses of all of my parents (with the assistance of my coach and CTI Certification tribe, who I connect with regularly). It was also this year, 37 years later, that I was able to release the prayers that lead me through decades of passive suicidal behaviors.
In January 2011, after taking time off for the CTI Leadership program, I became a Co-Active Professional Certified Coach :-) In January 2012, I was ordained as a Minister (online) and was freed of a relationship that no longer worked for us.
In January 2013, I committed myself to writing a book; connected with or heard from 5 out of 6 of my primary partners from 1983 forward. :-) Lovers and friends celebrated, sang and sent cards, poems, gifts and notes for my birthday. A long-time primary relationship has shifted, lovingly, over the past few days just as I was shifting to a new opening.
I opened, and very exciting, interesting and loving people are flowing in, or through, only time will tell. – Even with my struggles, I’m more open, and loving and at peace this January since maybe I was 4, 6 or 9(?).
I get lonely sometimes; it’s the life of adoptees who are denied access to sealed records. I worry that there will be no trace, no blood left of me after I’m gone. Even understanding we are all spirits, this feeling is an accepted part of my experience. So, I embrace my friends and work at staying loving and at service, at most times. I fail, fall and get back up and try again. I’m so, so very inspired by many of you, both our youth & seniors and everyone In-between. Thanks for wanting to be here. Can you even believe what FB has made possible? Amazing!
I’m grateful for you for living your Higher/Goddess/God/Spirit self, Every Day! We are making such a huge impact. I love you so much, without knowing you, and especially those I do and, even those I may not like :-)
Don’t forget to tell them you love them today, even if they don’t love you back, this is part of taking care of you – living authentically.
We’re spirits on a journey together and I’m glad you are here.
I hope your Tuesday was Happy!!
Love, Coach Fresh!! – P.S. There are some cool shots in this original recording of Patti Labelle singing, “You Are My Friend” – Unlike the song, of course I’ve always known it. :-)