May We Be Peace

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Peace is not something we need wish for.
Hoping for peace creates a distance between the present and peace.
Insisting violence is the balance of peace, is a misunderstanding of peace and nature itself.
In order to obtain peace for ourselves, we simply have to live it.
In order to create a peaceful world, we have to be it.  Continue reading

January 2014: Transformation from Suffering to Ease

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January’s Transformation: For the past several years I’ve written about how difficult this month and sometimes season can be for me. January features anniversaries of deaths, illnesses, breakups, being orphaned, birthdays; abandonment, separation – loss, loss, loss…

It was only a few years ago that I learned/discovered that my body and psyche were responding to these past experiences. Prior to that time, I was totally confused/bewildered, stressed and even at times angered by my deep depression. It was about this time, (approx. 2008) when I was beginning to look back from a place of already healing that I realized there were so many difficult experiences that all seemed to happen around, near, and/or as a result of my birth – my first transformation.  Continue reading

Is there Suffering in the light of Awakening? Pt. 1

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By asking a simple question of myself, ” Why is it so hard for me to call others, (even just to chat)?” I discovered not only when this behavior began but also how at certain times in my youth I was encouraged to feel unworthy and not a part-of my family. I also recognized the role I played in allowing a gatekeeper to the rest of my family to convince me why I need not be in contact with others. I’ve learned to forgive me as child, and youth and for years even into adulthood for allowing the manipulation. The gatekeeper had criticisms and blame for almost everyone I knew and loved. And, I loved and admired them so much, I ate every one word and sentiment of what they said. It also helped that they shamed me for being gay, for removing myself from outrageous alcoholism at home.  As former foster kid with abandonment issues, I clung to the person who wanted connection with me, the manipulator. And, I can’t tell you how much of my lost self-worth I am finding in this awakening memory. And, I’m allowing grief, anger and sadness.  I also deeply and sincerely forgive them. ~ I will not suffer.

What is suffering? In the past I would have blamed and scolded my younger self for not seeing through the smoke screen which would literally damage my relationship with the rest of my family. Not too many years ago, I would have blamed and scolded this person for their part. But, what would any blaming or scolding serve now? How would that kind of response help with my healing? And why would I want my self or the other person to suffer for what cannot be undone?

Awakening can at times be synonymous with healing.

Metta: I literally had tears at work for most of this morning. This awakening has hit me hard and so my response has been to be with it. To feel the hurt, the anger and the sadness. And the reason I’m not suffering is because I’m allowing these feelings while holding myself with loving compassion. There is no space for shame and guilt, in Metta.

So much has been lost – maybe. Or perhaps everything is unfolding perfectly. My separation from my family allowed me an exploration of myself and life I could not have experienced with them. Why would I choose to suffer when I can instead be grateful for this awakening that *is related to my sense of self-worth and feeling of deserving.

Awakening can at times be synonymous with healing. Awakening is not easy. For many of us we have a few layers of “past” or “ego” to peel back, for others it’s about shining the light on hidden places sometimes forgotten. I know it can be many things for many people and part of it is a growing understanding that we create our own suffering.

“…forgive them for they know not what they do.” Jesus, The Jewish man revered by Christians and many others

Today I reminded the beautiful group of women I had the honor to counsel and learn from, that we are all Spirits in flesh. Nothing can actually damage us. Yes, we will experience pain, hurt, anger and sadness and, we can choose to do so with open hearts, full of love and compassion for ourselves and those who may not have found their path to their healing.

Everyday and in every moment we have the power to choose who and how we show up. And…it takes love, compassion, practice, courage, and faith to be and awaken to the best you. It ain’t easy, and at times it’s fun – and it’s so, so freeing. Opportunities for joyous moments and deep meaningful connection with yourself and others abound, as you also experience the alignment, magic and self discovering earned through times of solitude.

You are perfect just the way you are. I accept the perfectness of who I am in this moment. Together we are expanding Metta for ourselves, for each other, for those we love, for those we know and throughout the world.

Thank you for being a part of my awakening. May we experience much peace and joy today and throughout our lifetimes.

Namaste,

Fresh!

EVERYTHING IS WAITING FOR YOU

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Here is the message I want to absorb and spread for 2013 – Everything Is Waiting For You! All your dreams are calling you! All the love you need is here! Life the gift you get to express your way! Happy 2013 and Thank you David Whyte
Everything is Waiting for You
Your great mistake is to act the drama
as if you were alone.  As if life
were a progressive and cunning crime
with no witness to the tiny hidden
transgressions.  To feel abandoned is to deny
the intimacy of your surroundings.  Surely,
even you, at times, have felt the grand array;
the swelling presence, and the chorus, crowding
out your solo voice.  You must note
the way the soap dish enables you,
or the window latch grants you freedom.
Alertness is the hidden discipline of familiarity.
The stairs are your mentor of things
to come, the doors have always been there
to frighten you and invite you,
and the tiny speaker in the phone
is your dream-ladder to divinity.
Put down the weight of your aloneness and ease into
the conversation.  The kettle is singing
even as it pours you a drink, the cooking pots
have left their arrogant aloofness and
seen the good in you at last.  All the birds
and creatures of the world are unutterably
themselves.  Everything is waiting for you.
~ David Whyte ~

Awareness Day 23 – January: Grief, Pain and Love!

What I haven’t spoken about in this session is just how loaded January’s are for me. It is this month, 1963, I was born and possibly separated from my birth mom. It was the month of January, in my 10th year, that I began praying day & night that I would die before my rock/my adopted mom, who would pass the following month despite my young tears and prayers. My adopted dad’s birthday is on the 19th, close if not the same date of my (after 8 years,) break up last year.

In January 1979 I left school, home and moved in with a lover, 5 years older, to Williamsburg, Brooklyn. I was 16 and she was violent. In January 1983, I attended SUNY Purchase, became President of the GLB Union, I came out to my adopted older sister who loved me but not my sexual preference, and it’s been strange and estranged between me and adopted my family since then – some of that my own doing (Pre Alanon). My dad died on the 15th, (1985, after 11 years in a bottle) MLKs B-Day, the day before my birthday and sometimes the reason I can forget my birthday.

In January 2010 within days of starting my life-saving coaching certification program, I received a letter from the state of New York telling me, (for the first time in my life,) that my birth mom didn’t die giving birth to me, a burden I carried until that time. There is no record of my birth father.

In 2010 I was finally able to begin grieving the losses of all of my parents (with the assistance of my coach and CTI Certification tribe, who I connect with regularly). It was also this year, 37 years later, that I was able to release the prayers that lead me through decades of passive suicidal behaviors.

In January 2011, after taking time off for the CTI Leadership program, I became a Co-Active Professional Certified Coach :-) In January 2012, I was ordained as a Minister (online) and was freed of a relationship that no longer worked for us.

In January 2013, I committed myself to writing a book; connected with or heard from 5 out of 6 of my primary partners from 1983 forward. :-) Lovers and friends celebrated, sang and sent cards, poems, gifts and notes for my birthday. A long-time primary relationship has shifted, lovingly, over the past few days just as I was shifting to a new opening.

I opened, and very exciting, interesting and loving people are flowing in, or through, only time will tell. – Even with my struggles,  I’m more open, and loving and at peace this January since maybe I was 4, 6 or 9(?).

I get lonely sometimes; it’s the life of adoptees who are denied access to sealed records. I worry that there will be no trace, no blood left of me after I’m gone. Even understanding we are all spirits, this feeling is an accepted part of my experience. So, I embrace my friends and work at staying loving and at service, at most times. I fail, fall and get back up and try again.  I’m so, so very inspired by many of you, both our youth & seniors and everyone In-between. Thanks for wanting to be here. Can you even believe what FB has made possible? Amazing!

I’m grateful for you for living your Higher/Goddess/God/Spirit self, Every Day!  We are making such a huge impact. I love you so much, without knowing you, and especially those I do and, even those I may not like :-)

Don’t forget to tell them you love them today, even if they don’t love you back, this is part of taking care of you – living authentically.

We’re spirits on a journey together and I’m glad you are here.

I hope your Tuesday was Happy!!

Love, Coach Fresh!! – P.S. There are some cool shots in this original recording of Patti Labelle singing, “You Are My Friend” – Unlike the song, of course I’ve always known it. :-)

Awareness Day 9: Life is Worth it…Please Stay!!

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Awareness Day 9: Life is Worth it…Please Stay!!

Tomorrow I turn 50!! Like the BIG 50!! Me!!! I am so incredibly, down to my heart bones, happy!!

It took me to getting here, to get back to the open-hearted, risk taking, all-loving, fun and sometimes funny kid who is ME; bigger, wiser and even more loving with renewed desires for naps! Continue reading

EVERYTHING IS WAITING FOR YOU

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This is the message I want to absorb and share for 2013 – Every thing we desire is waiting for us. Your dreams are calling you! Love is everywhere we choose to see it. Life is our gift to express our way. Thank you David Whyte and all the other teachers and healers, including you, on my path. Happy 2013!

EVERYTHING IS WAITING FOR YOU
 
Your great mistake is to act the drama
as if you were alone.  As if life
were a progressive and cunning crime
with no witness to the tiny hidden
transgressions.  To feel abandoned is to deny
the intimacy of your surroundings.  Surely,
even you, at times, have felt the grand array;
the swelling presence, and the chorus, crowding
out your solo voice.  You must note
the way the soap dish enables you,
or the window latch grants you freedom.
Alertness is the hidden discipline of familiarity.
The stairs are your mentor of things
to come, the doors have always been there
to frighten you and invite you,
and the tiny speaker in the phone
is your dream-ladder to divinity.
 
Put down the weight of your aloneness and ease into
the conversation.  The kettle is singing
even as it pours you a drink, the cooking pots
have left their arrogant aloofness and
seen the good in you at last.  All the birds
and creatures of the world are unutterably
themselves.  Everything is waiting for you.
 
~ David Whyte ~

Why Wait to Love?

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Over the last two weeks two men in my community have passed. One of those men, Mike McCloud, was a co-worker of mine and died as a result of a car accident. I had only been working with Mike for about 3 months, and when he passed three thoughts came to my mind… Continue reading

Love is like the waves

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Love is like the waves
seductive, alluring, powerful
all at once gentle and cleansing
or suddenly overpowering and suffocating

Love is like with the waves
turning your back to her makes one vulnerable
to its unpredictable need to be with you; to touch you,
and possibly to hold you
– whether you are ready or not Continue reading

Happiness, Life, Chickens, Kittens, Death & Choice – Focused Towards Love: 7 Days Until the Universal New Year, 12/21/12

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Yes, I had a lot going on today; makes sense I was silent yesterday; well pretty much. I woke this morning considering all the many gifts I have received from family, friends and lovers. I laid a few of them before me on my table and practiced my chants while focusing on all the happiness I’ve experienced in my life. It was a Fresh new day. I decided to post my post from the city so I could work-out and get into work a few hours early, maybe have breakfast with a friend, then the universe swooped down and took the reins. Here is a bit of how it all happened…

Well before 10 I AM exchanged “I love Yous” with 4 people I wasn’t expecting to hear from today. I received an accidental early morning text from a runner I admire, which encouraged me to make a decision I had been putting off. Just after 11, much to my surprise, my Nutritionist and Trainer, Ace Morgan came by, that brought more happiness into my morning. Ace gave me some tips and noticed what I found out later to be true (I don’t have a scale and we didn’t measure) while trying on jeans tonight, I’m 2 inches smaller for a total of -6 inches since I started working with him. :-) We also laughed, which is hard not do around his kindness. As a bonus he gave me a ride, see below to my other unexpected event…

It was still before noon when I received a call from one of the happiest, most positive folks I know; a dear family/friend who was crying heavily. She just found out an old lover and dear friend was dying. I teared up with her on the phone, called into my office and prepared to go pick her up and take her to the airport. I had 1.5 hours and Ace showed up in that time.

We pulled up just as she was getting back from errands. I went in with her and there were tears, and laughter. I shared my quote for what was happening, (you know I love to quote myself): “Death makes no reservations.” She liked it. She and I were glad for our moments before I dropped her off, we together share our appreciation for ourselves, each other and our life. Le’chaim!

In all the moments I had throughout the day I was already appreciating so many of my peeps, including the Robin’s, Kingfishers and Work it! crews, friends and lovers present and gone :-) So… since I was there, right by the ocean and near more dear & loving Family/Friends, I called the coastal gals, drove to Taco Bell Beach, drank way too much caffeine and shared, love, stories and hugs… The tides running high so I have to go back!!

Let’s see; we’ve covered a bit of death, a bit of life, some happiness and so… My day ends with tucking in chicken’s and petting kitties. I’m wiped!! But there’s more…

As we know the tragedies of today were big and small, no more or less people or children died, yet there were some incidents way too close to home which made them simply too heartbreaking and sad to turn ourselves from. And the question, after hearing the news once, or the story twice, what did you choose?

What my friend and I shared today, was that we can mourn and be appreciative for what we have in this moment. There are people who are directly affected by the incidents that took place in Connecticut and in too many other places, bigger and smaller in scale in the world today. From Connecticut to Cairo, I can’t begin to imagine what the survivors are going through today. And, I do believe that when the rest of us choose to listen to the stories over and over and over and over and over and over we not only create a paralyzing effect on ourselves, we can’t send all the loving and healing energy needed to help the local communities and families through these harsh moments.

Repeating tragedies doesn’t make them go away, or help us to focus on the root of the issues that cause such incidences – disconnection, negative influences, dwindling resources like access to education, medical and psychological care, and not just for perpetrators, but for all the folks who may have witnessed something was wrong and were not trained how to talk about it to each other or authorities. The only way we can help is to stay present and reach out to love and touch those dear to us; yes, send cards and flowers if we are so called and we have to be present with and for us first.

Here is what I’d like you to remember – Only you can choose what you will focus on. Absolutely grieve and to me that means turning off the TV and radio and being with your feelings. Reach out and talk to someone. Choose to be more loving. If you are not directly affected, step away from the confusion. Focus on the wounded getting healed. Send loving energy to the survivors. Take a life affirming act today – you are still here.

As I’m writing this a single red flare just went up outside my window, I have no idea what that was. On that note, I think I need to go to bed so I can wake up and feed the chickens.

We don’t have to focus on changing the world, we just have to love us and show the world it’s possible to live and walk always in pursuit of and being more love.

Sincerely hoping some of what I said works for you.

Minister of Love,
Fresh!