Fresh! Encounters

If we are fortunate we suffer greatly from the experience of our own growth. The type of growth I’m talking about right now is when you are challenged to be compassionate in ways you never would have thought of before. It is very easy to be critical of people’s actions and words, especially when they harm others or yourself. “How stupid, how arrogant and unthoughtful can this person be?” may have been something you thought about before you seriously considered living, learning and loving from a compassionate perspective for the rest of your life.

First there is compassion for ones self; if you can’t truly be compassionate with yourself, you can never truly be compassionate for another. For being compassionate is not pity; looking down at someone and feeling that since you have it better than them that you have an obligation to take care of them. No, not even all the loving-pity in the world can equate to compassion. I think pity takes away our responsibility to look at the larger picture of why someone is suffering. I don’t see pity as embracing especially when it is defined partly as “feeling sorry for”.

An example of this is we are hearing how Haitians are starving and our immediate reaction is to take pity and send food over. What we don’t see is that hundreds of pounds of food are being held back at the border by American sponsored military who insist that all the shipments be searched for drugs before the food can be delivered to the people. In the meantime many people become sick and and die while anything considered fresh will rot at the ports, including dry foods that aren’t well protected from the sea. We may also overlook the reason why Haiti and other countries may have gotten into the position of starvation and the role we as Americans play and/or will play in worsening the situation . If we just send food/do the immediate duty, we may not achieve our mission of helping people to get the food they need.

Another example may be pity for a woman who works in the sex industry. Instead of ensuring her civil and human rights are met and that she is treated well in her work place(s); we take pity on her and and create laws that only cause her more harm and create a deep and constant distance from her and the rest of society. Our third century sensibilities about our bodies and sex is the larger reason why women in the sex industry suffer from abuse, lack of services (another form of abuse) and in too many cases death. With a broader more compassionate view we can see that sex is a beautiful and natural gift and that we each have a right to choose how we want to express it as long as it is consensual with ourselves and others. Today we give more respect to companies that enslave workers than we do to women and men who choose sex to financially support their lives, dreams and desires.

To be compassionate is to look deeper into our pain and/or the pain and/or suffering of others.

When I consider compassion I think of true empathy. I think about the human connection. I remember that none of us is better than the other and that we all need compassion and we all need to be compassionate in order to live our lives to their majestic heights - something many of us never even consider.

Living, learning and loving in a consistent state of compassion (something I consciously work on daily) means that I can’t just criticize those who harm me verbally and/or professionally in this life. It means recognizing their insecurity as something that I myself may have experienced; in the many different ways that insecurity and self doubt can prevent us from being compassionate moment by moment and in worse cases it spills out in defense of self, onto another.

Whether someone is aware of when they are insulting or being harmful does not much matter. The fact is that their resistance to deal with their insecurity, self doubt or self hate creates a wall between themselves and their compassion for themselves and in a direct way, their compassion for others.

If we could just get over the myth that there is a perfect way of being; a perfect place to be and the importance of hierarchy, we could all find it in ourselves to be loving and accepting of our selves. We could look at what it is that has or is harming us, do what we need to rid ourselves of it and/or change our reaction to it. From this place we can really open our hearts and arms to what in our larger society may be harming others as well as ourselves. We can offer compassion to others not only by participating in the work to end governmental forms of oppression; supporting services that work to help those in need but also, on the home front we can honestly and compassionately confront those that are harming us.

Speaking up for yourself is a form of self compassion. It may also be a compassionate way of letting someone know that they are causing harm. It’s true that if the person is so lost in their own self pity that they will ignore your request to be treated differently, but it’s not their response that you are speaking for - it’s your compassion for yourself. It’s you accepting that you are not perfect and knowing that this imperfection will never need to tolerate disrespect from another.

I know I may be rambling a bit here; the cafe that I’ve chosen to work in today just had it’s piano player/singer come in for rehearsal - a total surprise to me - and I’m only distracted because he sounds so much like Nat King Cole and is playing is delightful. As important as it is for me to get the words out above, I also feel terrible for not giving him all of my attention - he’s that good.

So, you’ll be stuck with my ramble and any grammar errors I’ve made because I don’t know when I’ll have time to give this thought more writing time. Please comment and know it may be months before I reply but that this work will go on in me.

One more note - being compassionate with yourself is self love. This has been a struggle for me for a long time and I’m grateful for my partner and may friends who have, with their unconditional love and compassion for me, encouraged me to this place in my life/heart.

In loving compassion,

Fresh!

Hello,

Happy New Year! 2008 promises to bring our dreams, desires and visions into reality - as usual. Now is a great time to review these dreams and visions and be sure they are free from fear and unnecessary limits - Dream Big - do big.

I thought I’d start this year with a new bio and direction. My goal is to write to this blog weekly - I know, you’ve heard it before, but I really mean it this time :-). You can check my bio on my about page.

I will also work to grow my coaching practice this year. You’ll see more information and may even receive some PR from me in mid-February.

I hope you will add comments/your thoughts to this blog when the content moves you.

Love, peace, health and prosperity,

Fresh!

Hi There,

I only have a moment.

Thank you to everyone who has gotten me here - thank you.

Queering The Left was a very successful event in size and the churning and sharing of ideas yesterday. I will give a better report soon. Attendance was about 150 with folks literally from all corners of the country. I’m looking forward to and will update you on next steps ASAP.

Atlanta is hot :-). I’m on my way to the march again. Got there too early, so I went back to cancel my unfortunate first hotel. I’m heading out and will report on size and numbers ASAP.

Again, Thank you,

Love,
Fresh!

Hello All,

Today I spent the morning with some friends at Glide. As always the audience was a beautiful rainbow of people. Some folks were smiling so big you could feel your own heart melting at the sight of them. The choir, was the Glide Choir - just loving. Spirited song birds is what they are.

Near then end of the service, Pastor Finch spoke on this, his last day as a Methodist Preacher on the importance of loving one another. For some reason he said he felt that those who hate, seem to do so very powerfully because of their commitment to it. Their hate is very thought out, well managed and organized. Many of us have seen that they who practice and preach hate and bigotry are are so committed to it, their followers will turn their backs on their own brothers and sisters, family friends and neighbors.

Then he spoke the truth I’ve been hearing in my own head and in my own heart all my life. I wrote about it last week and speak about it daily - there is never a reason to believe that you are better off or serving anyone else by keeping your emotions, your love, your feelings of gratitude and honoring humility to yourself. Who can you serve and how can you find and be in community when your fear of being hurt, rational or not, keeps you from me; keeps you from your family and neighbors; keeps you from all the wonderful gifts life has to offer.

Today Dr. Finch asked that all of us not just love ourselves, but let that love out and share it with others.

Today I commit to expressing love and gratitude; trust and humility, appreciation for life and charity for the rest of my days, and oh yeah, a lot of compassion for the times I’m not meeting this commitment.

Thanks to my dear co-worker Britt, I have finally set up my blog!!! I was especially encouraged today because I support justice movements in our cities, nations and the world and I believe the US Social Forum taking place in Atlanta at the end of the month is a valuable event for me to attend. Here is a link to the main event: http://www.ussf2007.org/en/about

Below you can find information about a pre-Forum Queer Leftist Event

When I put a call out for support for air fare to get to this event Britt suggested I create a blog and add a ChipIn Widget that will allow folks to contribute to travel. Thank you Britt. I’m now hours behind with actual work (thank goodness for flex-time) and I now have a way for folks to contribute if they’d like.

Why I want to go:

This is the exact type of conference that I have been thinking about for a long time; as I have been growing with and supporting small organizations in the SF Bay Area. I have always stressed the importance of collaboration amongst the various groups and organizations I have worked or participated with. I have had a vision of pulling together the Unionist, Queer Groups, Educators, Heathcare professionals, Environmentalist, technology and all justice minded community members into something that looks a lot like what the US Social Forum intends. I believe I will learn and grow from this experience and that this growth will benefit all the communities I am involved with.

What will happen with any extra funds? Any extra funds collected will be split evenly between the group I am acting as a delegate for, the Community United Against Violence (www.cuav.org) and Roopa Singh, a political poet activist who is also working to raise funds to attend. You may email Roopa for more information on her mission at: politicalpoet@gmail.com.

Thank you for visiting my blog. I promise to keep it up to date with my activities.